Introductions of some sorts.

First I would like to add that crazy customizer does not work for me .. So I choose this older theme because at least it is "calm".

My sole purpose for this blog is to log my battle with trying to get off the antidepressant Lexapro. I thought about installing a forum of some sorts, hoping a group of people struggling with the same Lex Hell as me can get together and bring in resources, support and help one another. I have ran across some places that seem to be under influences of drug companies. But this blog will do for progression and if there is a need for this forum I will diffidently put it up.

I have been on Antidepressants for along time, about 7 years on Zoloft and then my doctor said my brain became immune to it and switched me to Lexapro. I have been on Lexapro for about 7 years.

How did it start? I had a horrible horrible death in my family. I cannot go into details because it is just too painful.When It happened I was in shock and seemed to have a hard time getting into a normal routine. I became panicky and unsure what was happening to me.  After months I decided to see a psychiatrist. He said medication would help me and it would be temporary so I can get through this.  Every time I talked about stopping the medication he strongly urged me to stay on it, finally I had symptoms that he explained that I had become immune to Zoloft and I had to switch to Lexapro. I trusted him and believed every word he said.

I started having physical problems. Fatigue, weight gain, headaches, memory problems and dizziness.  through out this time I would occasionally ask him my diagnoses. He said I had secondary depression due to anxiety. that the horrible death broguht out what I had genetically... And finally he said I would have to stay on the pill for the rest of my life.  

Genetically? What the ....? No one in my family had anxiety issues and how can a tragedy cause a life long mental illness? 

I looked up secondary depression :
Secondary depression is depression related to one or more life situations, such as a divorce, death of a loved one, illness or a traumatic event.

So because something bad happened I have to be on drugs for the rest of my life??? I don't think so. I mean if someone came up to you and stabbed you in the chest .. you were rushed to the hospital and lived, you have anxiety from the incident, go on a pill and  then told you have to stay on it because the tragedy really only brought out this illness that has laid hidden in your genes .. even though there is no medical tests or personal evidence with any relative? 

Moving on, I have a hard time trusting any Doctor on this field and feel chained to the Doctor who prescribes me the medication because the withdrawals are so bad, I had a seizures. I do have epilepsy from a head injury I had when I was in a car accident.

In the last 5 years I have been finding out how many people in my life friends and associates actually take an antidepressant and it is really shocking. Some take it for PMS/Hot flashes or Fibro not just depression. How frightening is that! Little do they know that the longer they stay on Lexapro the worst it is to stop .. it is a hellish nightmare. I know people on it and drink 3 to 4 pots of coffee a day, smoke 3 - 4 packs of cigarettes also a day. Can't sleep and so they need a pill for that ... get jittery so they take a anti anxiety pill like Xanex or Klonapin.

I just wonder what permanent damage I did to myself because I trusted a doctor, the wrong doctor.  The frustrating thing is that they are bullet proof. They will not be responsible. the drug companies will not be deep pockets and probably politicians in those deep pockets. But that is for now .. I do believe that one day something will happen and we as a people will wake up to this poisoning that is being brought to us disguised as "help".

Currently I have reduced from 40mg (twice the recommended dose! It is called off label prescribing) to 10mg. You might think that going from 40 to 10 is wonderful! I reduced each time down 10mg and then waited 6 months before attempting another taper. So it has taken me a year and a half. Now one thing that is certain .. the last 10 mgs are by far the hardest.

Why was I so slow in reducing? because of the first time I tried and how I was affected with the last 10 mgs. it was unbelievable and when I describe it to friends it seems as if they cannot comprehend it or possibly thinking I exaggerated.

Next post I will try to describe what that first time was like. I am really tired and my typing is a mess.