Don't get me wrong, it is 100,000x better than a too fast taper and cold turkey. No long lasting terrible symptoms, no fear that it is permanent or anything like that.
I can tell the difference between just getting off of Lexapro and the present. I am so much better. For a few months after I had small ups and downs, I have been medication for 17 or 18 years. When feelings came back and the old me came back I felt a little lost. I felt sad that I lost all those years. I felt bitter towards drug companies and Doctors.
But I have to take an honest look at the whole story. I don't believe I needed antidepressants at all. I do believe all I needed was therapy with no drugs. I did not have faith in myself then and believed everything I was told, which was negative.
Even though it started out for grief, symptoms showed up after medication and instead of wondering if it was the medication, I just assumed it was me and I was broken, It was hard to hope that it was not me when I had a Doctor reinforcing that it was me, that it was genetic and for life and I needed to be medicated for life. Therapy was a huge con and a waste of money since there was no cure for me. This is what I was told and I was young and I never thought of the Doctor being so totally wrong.
Now I question everything! I will not just take a medication because the Doctor (any Doctor) says so.
But also, I have to realize that I did live my life during my medication. I did live and love and cry and that it was me and not some alter personality. I am so different today, I am protective of myself and also I do not put up with anything. I am easier on myself. I try and look for the positive in everyday. And I have to say my Marriage has improved. I am happy, I look forward to spending as much time with my spouse and he has told me that I have changed so much. I light up when I am with him. I have not felt that was for many years. I didn't not love him, I knew I loved him, but now feeling the depth of the emotion it is so vibrant. I am very grateful to feel this deeply again.
Lexapro also affected my physical health.I knew something was wrong with me. I had many symptoms. My hormones were not right , my cycles were so crazy and painful. I was about to have a hysterectomy! Now one month from my last dose of Lexapro my cycles are absolutely normal. And just think I was going to have surgery!
Migraines are not happening anymore. Skin has cleared up. I sleep very well now, insomnia is now over. No weird mood swings anymore and anxiety has improved a great deal. I feel peaceful and calm most days. I can't remember my last panic attack. In the months after I did have symptoms that I could have thought were me, but I was not going to fall into that again, so I adopted the says of "Whatever will be will be". It took quite a few months to wake up without that dread type feeling, but that has also stopped.
Lexapro caused me to gain weight and lots of it. I started to lose weight a month after my last dose. I have lost 50 pounds so far. I exercise (basically it helped my withdrawal symptoms so much I made it a habit). I do cardio and strength training with weights. I count calories. I had to start taking high blood pressure medication. But now 8 months later I am off that medication and my blood pressure is normal. I have changed a lot in my life and I plan to make it a permanent lifestyle change.
I cook all our meals and I shop for healthy ingredients. I refuse to eat processed foods or GMO foods (BTW My GP Doctor told me to avoid GMO) I also watch my sodium intake, with cooking everything myself I keep it at about 800 - 1000mg.GMO needs to be labeled we have a right to know what we are eating! I do research and try to keep up with it.
It was challenging at first to get used to all the changes but I am so used to it now, and my Husband lost 20 pounds even though he never looked like he needed to lose anything.
I went through a traumatic loss. My life long best friend died and I think I am still processing it. It was a shock and I was horrified, I cried every day many times per day for months, then I got really sick and ended up with a lung infection. I knew I wore myself to this. I was really ill and I knew I had to get a hold of myself so that I could heal. I am still processing this huge loss in my life but do not need or want a pill to help.
I think going through the Antidepressant nightmare has made me stronger than I ever knew but I will never forgot the physical pain (muscle pain, could not walk on uneven surfaces), bone pain, joint pain, head pain (electric zaps and aching skull, stomach pain and issues, restless legs at night, burning under the skin and face and more. Nor will I forget the mental anguish of withdrawal when I tapered too fast, extreme anxiety, panic, negative thoughts, intrusive thoughts, depression and mixtures of all or some of these.
I might be an extreme case, but I know there are those who are worse than me and some who were better. Who is to know which will be which, The FDA will not help and the Drug Companies are only concerned with profits. The system is so corrupt we do not have anyone that will stand up for us. We are expendable. More and more the truth will come out and all that had a hand in this will deny and avoid and will get away with destroying people for a profit.
All we can do is tell our stories and get the truth out there.
10 comments:
Hi there.... I found your website by searching Lexapro withdrawal last night. I am struggling with what to do myself. I've been on Lexapro for over 6 years. It has been a lifesaver and a nuisance ever since!!! I want to get off of the stuff but I'm afraid of what I will be like when I get off. My doc put me on Wellbutrin and had me taper off of Lexapro in a 1/2 dose for 4 days then 1/4 dose for another 4 days then start Wellbutrin. I've been on a rollercoaster ever since. So because I was feeling HORRIBLE I went to another doc who put me back on 10 mg of Lexapro. I'm doing better, BUT I am dealing with swollen ankles and feet. :( Any advice? I don't want to be a raving emotional mess, but I don't want the side effects either.
I followed your weaning off of lexapro all the time you dropped your doses. I was inspired by your determination. When I look back and recall that you seemed to gain a lot from your therapy, which also inspired me, I am disappointed to read your comment that therapy was a waste of time. For when I began my therapy-thanks to your inspiration, it has helped me tremendously. Your still seem determined to stay off of the medicine yet you seem also to have a bitter attitude and do not sound as though you really are not feeling as well as you would like your readers to believe. Believe it or not there really are some people that do benefit from antidepressants. I have tried for years to wean off of mine with only a return of depression-no matter how many supplements I take or exercise. I have not given up yet I am no longer belittling myself for needing the medicine.
Some things you just can not control, and just need to be greatful for science being able to help us. Did you know that Abraham Lincoln suffered with severe depression. This is what he once said: "I am now the most miserable man living. If what I feel were equally distributed to the whole human family, there would not be one cheerful face on the earth. Whether I shall ever be better I can not tell; I awfully forebode I shall not. To remain as I am is impossible; I must die or be better, it appears to me. " Also, Lewis form the great Lewis and CLark expedition also suffered depression. Read this: Meriwether Lewis’s death has been a source of speculation for many years, often with the mistaken notion that “great men” do not take their own lives, and that suicide blights the memory of a great life. However, those closest to Lewis, Thomas Jefferson and William Clark, fully accepted the reports of suicide. Jefferson reported that Lewis’s family had a history of what is believed to be manic-depression (bipolar disorder), and that he had been subject to bouts of deep depression since his youth.
Having depression is nothing to be ashamed of. Having to return to medicine for a better quality of life is nothing to be ashamed of either.
Wow Matina, that is all so untrue. I have been off Lexapro since 2013 and now I am free from Klonopin!!!! And I have never felt better. You a stranger cannot sit here and Dx me, that is so strange. Good luck to you on your journey.
I came back to give an update, it has been over 500 days of tapering Klonopin which is harder to taper then Lexapro. But I found a nice , safe slow taper.
I knew the problem was the drugs. I never doubted it and maybe you need them, but I knew I didn't. I didn't have depression, my doctor gave me lexapro for ANXIETY not depression. I have never had depression or DXed with depression, I only had low times while tapering. which is understandable since the brain was down regulated and had to heal.
So many issues cleared up when I tapered off of lexapro and then the rest cleared up after klonopin.
So much truth is coming out about these medications and if someone really has to have them it is not my place, I knew the risks of these medications were not worth it especially benzodiazapines.The unfair thing is I and lots of other people were never warned about the risks, not when we started. I think that is crime.
Rest assured I am not bitter nor depressed, getting off Lexapro and still on Klonopin was my problem. Going into a tolerance withdrawal on Klonopin was horrible and much worse than lexapro withdrawal.
What solved it was S-L-O-W tapering off of Klonopin.
I do not remember ever saying therapy is worthless, I remember my doctor telling me that and me not trying it because I believed him.I am going to have to search for that entry.
Lexopro was ruining my health. It was creating chaos with my hormones I almost had to get a hysterectomy while I was tapering. And the years I was taking it is meesed my system up where I was in so much pain with my cycles I missed out on so much in my life. Thankfully I was towards the end of my lexapro taper and I wanted to wait till I got off Lexapro, then my cycles were normal AFTER I was off of Lexapro. Following that was the 90 pound weightloss! My BP is back to normal!!!
I can't speak for other antidepressants all my physical problems were from Lexapro and Klonopin. Now I am off of both and those problems are gone, it is really as simple as that.
I would never EVER take an antidepressant or benzo EVER again. And the great part is, I have not ever felt the need or want for that since tapering.
And to people out here, if you think it is your medication get real help get more opinions, advocate for your health, no one else is going to do it. My doctor was wrong in my opinion of what was wrong with me.
Never give up.
Rachy,
I am sorry I was not here for you, hopefully you got help. Lots of people have success with tapering not more than 10 percent of the dose every 3 - 6 weeks. I did that and I tapered 10mgs of Lexapao in 14 months.
I used a jeweler's scale you can get one on amazon about 30.00 and I weighted one pill, then I used that weight as a baseline and I deducted the percentage from that weight. I crushed the pill in a mortar and pestle and put the dose in gel caps, I used to watch tv and make up 3 weeks of doses.
Too Dazed. I want to apologize for the way my comment came off. I know from following you it has been a long journey for your and one that has not been easy-from your entries and recalling my own experiences of trying to wean off medicines in the past. I do agree with you that the benzo's are the worst to get off of. I have had success getting of of them once or twice only to have a difficult time another. But seeing the struggle you went through and the research I read I did find that if one is on both the benzo's and the anti depressants together it is easier to do the benzo taper and get through those withdrawals before weaning off of the anti depressant. Just a thought to pass onto your blog readers. Glad you are doing well.
Thank you Matina,
Believe it or not I am glad I tapered off the lexapro first, because I was able to drop all the weight I gained with it, and it took so long to taper off of Klonopin, I would have been miserable with all that weight. But I agree that it is better to taper the benzo first, it is by far the hardest to taper.
There are so many opinions on the web on how to do it, for some reason I had to go so very very slow. Nothing like when I tapered Lexapro.
Also I learned about the adjusting after the taper. The brain progressing back to homeostasis and such.
I have learned so much about myself that I now know that all we can do is do our best with whatever roads we choose.
I am glad it is all over and that I am off the medications, what is weird is that all the things that made me nervous or anxious does not bother me anymore.
I hope you are doing well.
Dear Too Dazed : )
Thank you for your reply to my post. It was a very graceful thing to do. I appreciate that you are still out there and that you have helped so many people - including myself, even though I am still at 10 mgs. of lexapro and .2650 of clonazopram pm and .25 mg each day . I think I shared with you that in the past six years since being on the lexapro I have found out that I have genetic methylated mutations that cause depression in me. it is called MTHFR which stands for the methylenetetrahydrofolate reductase gene (methyl-ene-tetra-hydro-folate-reductase). Mine is compound heteregeouz which means I have one copy of each. I have battled with depression and anxiety ever since I can remember. Yet not knowing until I was older kept me literally in the dark thinking I was feeling normal and never thought twice about treatment.Before I ever took medicine I had terrible bouts of depression especially in the winter. At times I would slip into hopeless thoughts; often thinking about dying. I never recognized my own panic disorder until my older son was a teen,struggling with a drug addiction - which is very common on my birth father's side along with mood disorders. For years I spent my days trying to help him, raise another son with tourettes, and deal with panick, fear and increasing depresson. I ate, lived and thought healthy. Then one day all of the depression, anxiety, panick turned into a full blown attack that would not stop. I personally made the decision of the paxil to stop the panic attack cycle . The first day I took it I felt better. i did have some weird start up symptoms but for the first time in my whole life I felt normal. I did gain weight and had some sexual side effects but since coming off of it-I have never felt as normal, well, or happy 'ever'. Although I have tried every helath remedy and other options; along with even weaning off of the lexapro. I have gotten down to a mere 2 mgs only to feel half dead and suicidal. It has been very difficult for me to accept that I may indeed need medicine for the rest of my life. Perhaps I was meant to go through it all to learn that I am one of those that will need it. I have been to several natural paths and recently traveled a few hours to a new one recommended from the MTHFR mutation site. I was stunned when I heard him say " Matina I do not advocate antidepressants as a rule. I actually feel like doctors are passing them out like candy. But, I personally would not recommend you come off of your medicine. In fact you may need to change your antidepressant to one that works better. If the paxil worked aside from a few side effects you may need to rethink that option." You see 'Too Dazed' with this mutation my nutrients that make the neurons in my brain do not get there properly which limits my brains ability to make these chemicals on its own. The nutrients recommended by these specialist's help many-but some they make the problems worse. I am really glad for you that you made it off the medicine and need it no more. I do wish I had been made differently but it is what it is. I have to continue this on another post-too long.
Matina,
I don't know exactly what MTHFR is, I read your post. I do remember seeing it mentioned on Benzobuddies.org here is the thread:
http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=123392.0
Perhaps, this is why some people have such a hard time? I know I also read people there getting tested for mutations. I don't know if you are a member of benzobuddies.org but they might have even more information by people going through what you are going through.
Klonopin or its generic brand is not easy to taper. In my personal opinion Lexapro was easier. I don't know if you are goign to taper the benzo. The best thing I did was do it very very slow. I did a daily taper, taking out tiny increments .001mg a day for 15 months. I soaked my pill in 100mil of whole milk and used oral syringes to do the cuts.
I had been off of lexapro while doing this, but I did look up lexapro and found that is soluble in whole milk.
If I would have known then what I know now I would have done the same thing with lexapro as what I did with klonopin. A very slow , very slow taper so that I slowly glided off of it.
I know you might not be able to do that, but in case if you have to get off of something and if you are sensitive as I was, maybe something like this would help you some day.
Hi Too Dazed.
Thanks for your response. You are right about tiny reductions for both. When I weaned off of the lexapro I did it with the liquid. That did work well for me. However; looking back I see that I too was still on the clonazopram; and often skipped my doses; not realizing that it was adding symptoms that were not related to the lexapro withdrawal. I recently just reduced my regular clonazopram dose of 0.3150 2x's a day; by one dose drop of 0.0650. It was as usual hell. Today is day 10 and I am starting to feel better; but I with each reduction of the benzo I go through hopeless suicidal thoughts for a day or two; sometimes more and then slowly my mood rises up a little at a time. So by missing my doses back then it could have made me believe it was the lexapro withdrawal. Thus I am trying to wean off of this first. Evidently though that weaning dose is not small enough according to your post.
Are your still doing well? Still 'drug free )" ?
Yes I am almost 6 months off of klonopin. I dropped .001mg a day that added up to .03mg a month for klonopin. So your one cut of .0650 would take me two and a half months. That is how slow I went, I could not go any faster.
Sorry I didn't get back here. I had to turn moderation here on because of spam comments.
How I got my dose so small is I out my .50mg pill in 100mil whole milk.
.50mg divided by 100mil milk is .005mg, so that is .005mg per mil.
I bought a bunch of 10 mil oral syringes and a bunch of 1 mil oral syringes. I take out ten syringes of milk with the 10 mil oral syringe and put it in a jar, then I add my pill, when dissolved ( I do this the night before) I take my smaller 1mil syringe for my small cuts, I take out two lines (the line with numbers) which equals .001mg out of the dose, Then pour that dose into three smaller jars (like baby food glass jars) then I drank the dose three times a day.
So 1 mil of the mixture was .005mg. If you use the smaller oral syringe, it is split up into ten units of measure, divide the .005mg by 10 and you get ..0005mg per unit, two units is .001mg. I Took out two units (or lines with numbers) out a day.
The split doses helps with tolerance and it really helped me feel better.
I will come back and check here till I hear from you.
I am drug free, I feel great! It is well worth it. Hang in there!!!!
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